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slinkstercat
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Name: Hannah
Birthday: 4/6/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: music, chaos, anarchy, melancholy, sadness, joy, laughter, sobbing,angst, apathy, empathy, genius, rage, overflowing joy, movies, black and white, photographs, splattered paint, my bicycle, tea, honey, pancakes,warm socks, you.
Expertise: i am fluent in rocking.
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
MSN: ballad_of_lemons@hotmail.com
Member Since:
4/26/2004
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| When do i get to be happy again?
God when?
Praying when?
I'm doing everything i can.
I need a new life.
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| My heart has been given back to me.
I'm not bitter, i don't regret anything that happened between us..i will say that there is something to be said for tact.
You sir. You have no tact. I know you won't read this, how could you? I'm venting over the intronet and i don't care.
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But i digress..
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I feel like my faith is being tested dear friends, but somehow i feel good, i feel better every day even those days where i can't make myself get out of bed i know it's going to be ok. It has to be right?
God never gives you more then you can handle, in this i can now take some solace.
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| On March 15th 2009 my grandmother and grandfather on my mothers side were killed in an automobile accident 16 miles outside of Ortonville, MN.
We buried them on April 10th, 2009.
It's bad enough losing one of your grandparents to old age, to natural causes, but to lose both of them at the same time to a car crash is gut-wrenching. My heart is broken and i don't know what to do. I'm not ready to let them go, I'm not ready to lay them rest. I'm not ready for them to be gone forever.
I know that God never takes anyone before their time but it brings me little solace.
Now whenever i see old men and women i have the burning urge to hug them, just so i can remember what it feels like..because i know i'll never be able to hug my grandparents again. I have regrets, i took for granted how close to me they were and yet i never saw them and now they're gone and I'll never see them again.
I don't know what to do now, i look at pictures of them, i watch videos of them on my phone and i can't stop the bursts of tears that hit me throughout the day. I spent my first birthday this year without them only a couple weeks after they died, and then my first Easter right after the funeral and my heart continues to break.
I don't know how to let them go, to put them to rest in my head because all i want is my heart to stop hurting.
I just want to be able to dream without them there, to wake up and not strangely hear my grandma talking to me and i want to stop seeing men who look like my grandpa driving cars.
All i want is closure..but i don't know how to get it.
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| For the very first time in my life I've given my heart away.
Without the steady, familiar beating i feel nothing but longing for it and the one who keeps it captive.
I've given the situation up to God and I'm not looking back.
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